The Worst

Today was a nightmare for me, Cz I screw the class, I was late because I didn’t do my homework, I make the lecturer mad at me also mad to the whole class today and didn’t want to meet us for the last meeting next week and she told us don’t blame her if you guys get a bad mark for this class. I apologize already in front of them, I feel bad for everyone really, but My lecturer said to me it’s not just your fault, there are other students also late and then she went off from the class, I felt worse and couldn’t thought clearly, I knew everyone blame me but I did apologize but it didn’t fix it.

If I did mistake kinda like this, I blame my self a lot too, plus they also blame me, make me feel worse, I know I’m completely wrong, its because I undicipline my self, at that time I also realized that no one on my side a.k.a I don’t have a friend or any supporter, yess I know who wanna support the wrong side, no one right? that day I become the antagonist or the bad player on one of my episode of life. That’the worst feeling ever. I even drew it on the paint kinda like this :

These are what I felt that time, my legs freezing, on my heart already had various bad feeling, anger, blue, sad, disgusting? upset, afraid, biatch? Screw feeling, I make the  back ground gray cz I donno how to explain the worst aura, somebody maybe angry, sad or upset because of me. My heart kind of poisonated by all those emotions, my emotions and the others emotions. I’ll accept my wrong me, so I can forgive my self and get the peace back on my heart, It would be better if I have a friend who can calm me down, Friends would make the situation better even if they knew you are wrong, they still be there with you and will try find a solution and support you in a positive way so you wouldn’t be a downer. At the same time I realized that what is friendship meaning. They fix your day.